Dr. Markham’s work has been featured throughout the Internet including on:
Ask (the other) Dr. Laura:
Tantrums, Hitting & Head-banging
"Dear Dr. Laura,
We are having a problem with our 18 month old son hitting his head when he is frustrated or can't have what he wants. He will head butt us (or just hit us) if we tell him no, and he will hit his head, really hard, on anything around him, including hard surfaces like the floor or tables etc. I try to not react to tantrums like this, but I'm worried about him hurting himself. He has already given himself several nasty bruises and a cut lip. With regular hitting we always hold his hands, tell him no very firmly, and if he continues, he goes to time out. We have been doing this for about 2 months, but the hitting is not letting up...."
Dear Karen,
I wonder what you mean when you say that you “try not to react” to his tantrums. You certainly don’t want to give in to whatever caused the tantrum, or he will think that’s the way to get what he wants. But there is a myth out there that parents should ignore tantrums. Research has shown that strategy is misguided; it just causes the child to tantrum more frequently. Which makes sense, because he’s tantrumming because he has such big feelings and no other way to express them. If you ignore him, he is doubly frustrated because he’s not getting his point across. If he felt that you understood what he was feeling, he might not need to act his feelings out so graphically.
Of course, he will sometimes need to resort to tantrums to blow off stress, and that is fine. Toddlers just need to cry sometimes. If you can stay close to him and reassure him, and comfort him afterwards, it will help him enormously. What he really needs at those times is your attention and love, which helps heal that hurting place inside him. (And no, it won’t make him tantrum more, as long as he is also getting plenty of your attention when he isn’t tantrumming.) You will be amazed at how much his behavior improves once he’s had a good cry with you as a compassionate witness...." (continue reading)