just read Positive Discipline and have to completely disagree. And I'll explain why.

for instance, you say, "As a result, kids who are physically disciplined are not only more likely to repeat problem behavior than other kids, but are more likely to exhibit increasingly worse behavior, including deception."

While you don't cite the study, I can respond from personal experience. My nephew is two and has never been spanked. Yet he routinely hits, kicks, knocks his brothers over and worse. With all the the praise and positive reinforcement, you'd think this kid would be begging to be good but at least once a day, he acts in a manner he knows is going to hurt someone else. He's 99% sweet. 1% terror. But that 1% almost seriously injured his brother when he purposely knocked the highchair over, sending his infant brother landing on his head. He could've sustained very serious injury.

However, his choice is #3 in your list--He knows but doesn't care.

He comes from a good home with two very stable parents who love him, give him plenty of attention and one-on-one time. But he wants more. But at some point, a child has to learn that they can't always get what they want, when they want it, but that doesn't mean their parents don't love them. I can't tell you how many times they have lovingly and gently taken this little boy on their lap to talk about how we are supposed to treat our family members with love etc. etc. but it never changes the behavior. And I could not imagine saying, "Now Beth, the real problen is your "relationship" with Madison. You need to "repair" it."

I've seen moms who ignore kids and this isn't one of them. What I see is a mom who puts more energy into a relationship with her firstborn than seems humanly possible and still has a child who acts in a manner never even witnessed in the house or any place else. The only TV he watches is Thomas the Tank Engine. The kids he plays with are well-mannered.

What many people are actually describing when they speak of spanking in negative terms, is a parent who has lost control and strikes out in anger, out of exasperation. Some people also mistakenly spank for age-appropriate behavior. They expect too much from one who is still learning. That being said, a child who blatently disrespects his parent's authority while young, will be unmanagble when a teen. To compensate for the total lack of guidance earlier, many parents will then try to stifle all freedom at an age when they should be giving their child more freedom. This only creates a deeper wedge in the already damaged relationship.

Spanking is also guidance and not to be confused with violence. Spanking used as guidance is used with a rule created, then explained to the child, then the parent explains the consequence-whether it be spanking or something else. Then, third, an assessment has to be made as to the intent of the child. Anger is not a part of the equation because of all the forthought that goes into the rulemaking and discussion with the child.

The goal is to gently let a child go, they older they get until they are ready to face the world on their own. But often in the teen years, after a child has been raised permissively with an "open borders" approach, the parent begins tightening the reigns when he should be doing the exact opposite. That child has every right to be bewildered when, out-of-nowhere, a parent begins to impose boundries where there weren't any before.

Dear Lyn,
You don't have to be a mother to be supportive to your sister or have an opinion about parenting. It's too bad parents feel so defensive about their actions and children as if bad behavior makes the parent and/or child bad people. I think saying "my kids were never exposed to "x" and now they are wonderful even though they are teenagers" is not helpful to anyone. Does that mean that their kids are great so they must be right? It sure doesn't inspire parents to reach out to each other or those that should be mentors.