Second Trimester

 
Photo: Kelly & April/SpaindadYou're showing! You've gone public with the great news. Hopefully your body has adjusted and stopped feeling so queasy. You're no longer falling into bed each night at 7pm. You're exercising, eating right, and you've gotten used to doing without that glass of wine at parties.  And, finally, you've made a decision you feel good about regarding your birth venue and caretaker.  What's next?  Bonding.

1. Bond with Your Baby.  When your baby is born, she'll recognize your voice and find it calming.  He'll recognize music heard in utero and find it reassuring.  She'll be calmer if you've been calmer during pregnancy.  And, whether or not you know your baby's gender, you'll feel closer to the baby if you've taken time to make peace with it, giving your child permission to be exactly the boy or girl it is. 

Your bond with your baby starts as soon as you find out you're pregnant, even before you feel him move.  Go ahead.  Connect.  Your baby is listening.

2. Bond with Your Partner.  When the baby comes, you and your partner will have to renegotiate much of your lives.  It helps if you've learned how to do that already. It a lot easier if your relationship has a strong foundation of trust, affection and nurturing.  And it's invaluable if your partner approaches parenting from the same general philosophy as you do.

Use the nine months of pregnancy to let your partner connect with your baby; their bond should start now.  But make sure to use this time also for as much juicy sex and intimacy between the two of you as you can get. You'll need that relationship glue once baby comes.

3. Pamper Yourself.  Use your nine months of pregnancy to bond with your baby and your partner, by all means. But be sure also to nurture yourself as much as possible, so you don't go into motherhood with a nurturing deficit. You'll need to draw on your deepest resources and put your own needs second too often after the birth, so make sure you're securely anchored to whatever well replenishes your body, mind and soul.  Keep going to bed early.  And don't stop exercising!

4. Prepare siblings. If you have other children, help them prepare for the birth of a sibling by referring to "Our baby" or "Your sister" or even "Your baby."  The more ownership they feel -- and of course, the less they feel displaced -- the less jealousy they'll exhibit.  Click here for more ideas on how to prepare your child for the birth of the new baby.

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